I suppose I should elaborate on the paranoia thing I touched on in the other blog. But really, what to say about it?

I guess a lot of my emotional instability has to do with Matt and Sam, even if I don't want to admit it (it'll only make them feel guilty). I don't know what to do. I guess I can be friends with them separately if that is what they require, but it sure as hell isn't what I require.
I want my friends to stay friends. Is that wrong?

On another note, I want my boyfriend to be my friend as well. I tell him "I'm going to be in Matt/Sam's room." and he asks "Do you want me to come?" and I say that I don't care, but yeah, I care I care I care. And then he goes and plays Magic and then I am sad no matter how much fun Matt and/or Sam are. Then he never calls, never texts, and I tell him I want to go home, and then I feel guilty and he is so nice and I feel so guilty. And then I realize he is not so nice, and I feel guilty about thinking that.
Fucking Islam family guilt. It's all we have.
My dad has finally found his passion, but at the cost of my mom's happiness. What to do, what to do. I am only 17; what can I do?

I can't do a thing. I hate admitting it, but sometimes there is nothing you can do.
Time to wait, I suppose. Wait for everyone to solve their problems, and maybe mine will get better. Maybe maybe maybe.