So everything is wrong?

I don't know.

I am bad at all of the things.

I used to be good at math, but now it seems no matter how hard I try, I am awful at it. And now I am even bad at knitting. Something that used to calm me down now frustrates me to no end. I also hate spending time with my friends because I am just in the way. They have to accommodate me and that prevents them from doing things they want to do. And people just call me now because I have a car.

Specifics:

65/100 on last math test

The one proof I thought I got right, I got completely wrong.

provisional cast on in the round

I keep losing stitches for no reason?

Joe hangs out with Erik more than he hangs out with me now.

It is probably because I only read "avant-garde" books.

Fuck everyone and their taste in literature. I dislike fantasy and most sci fi. I dislike anything that involves destiny. I hate main characters who are only important because of some heroic thing their ancestor did.

I like stories about people. And I don't want them to be special. If they have some sort of special trait, I want them to be bad at it sometimes. I want them to be flawed. I want them to be actual people, not this fucking idealized thing that doesn't mean anything.

Also, I value concepts over characters. I also like characters that are concepts? Okay, let me elaborate a little bit. If the characters aren't realistic and human, and they are just concepts, then I don't want to feel any emotional attachment to them. I want them to illustrate a point and then never care about them after that.

I am perhaps insane and I hate literature. (Thank you, Greg and Kevin and Joe and Erik.)

I also like magic realism sometimes. So fucking shoot me.

So remember that time I was really mad/depressed when Scott stayed at Erik's house for the weekend and then some?

I figured out why!

Turns out, it is because I went home for the weekend!

Let me tell you, I hate going home. My parents seem to hate each other, and they also try to hide this from me, which makes for frustrating times indeed. Also, my dad is always secretly criticizing me. I mean, come on, is it really such a flaw that I am incapable of REM sleep no matter how I sleep?

I digress.

I really hate home and I am no longer going to spend weekends there.

I guess I just want to find someone to do substances with.

I am tired of drinking alone, and it has only been two days.

why do you do that?

why do you call for like 3 seconds? It is stupid.

I want to stab you in the liver.

Also, great. I am using expressions that I was fond of sophomore year of high school.

Fuck you.

Are you unhappy? I am unhappy too.

Do you want someone? Are you lonely too?

This is a stupid song and I should stop listening to it, because it reminds me of writing that goddamned final for Susser's class. I want to kill shit.

lskjdflsjkfd

I guess I really do hate Scott now. Every time Erik mentions him, it evokes the same feelings as Magic does.

Also, I am really goddamn jealous that he does things, and I do not.

I want to get trashed and cry for a couple of hours, but hey, I have a roommate.

This is a stupid thing. I want everyone to feel bad because I feel bad. And I want everyone to have a shitty time because I'm having a shitty time.

Okay, fine, this is not true.

I want Erik to have a shitty time because I'm having a shitty time, and I want Scott to die in a fire.

I do not enjoy feeling like everything is my fault. It's sort of narcissistic. Oh well, I guess I'm a narcissist.