I put up with a lot, I think.
But that is what I do. What else is there? If you define yourself as a carpet, you can't complain if you get walked on.
I mean, if you take a job eating bees...

I digress.

I guess, it is just sometimes I want to talk and work out my problems and get advice and be better and be happy.
It just so happens that when I try to talk, everyone I talk to tells me their problems so they can fucking relate to me or whatever, but hey wait this is supposed to be about me and then all of a sudden it isn't and I am stuck helping everyone every time.

I want to be happy too.

things that make things more difficult than they should be

Weather.
Fuck this weather, man.

It is April. It is 74 degrees outside.
What the fuck.



I won't be happy until it's 90 again. I can't be. I need to feel like I'm boiling in my own skin. I need it soon.


Everything that is supposed to be is not. What the fuck's up with that?

I hate seeing my friends on facebook who are going to name brand colleges. Just saying. I mean, ASU is a good school and all, but it still doesn't help that it's in fucking Arizona. Everyone expected me to get out of this shit hole, and I couldn't. Holy hell, I couldn't. And how the hell did they? I took the same fucking classes, and did it all in three years. Apparently that's not impressive at all.
It is just frustrating. 90 percent admit rate is something I can't get over.
I wish I was at UCLA. Then if anyone asks my parents where I'm going to college, they don't have to qualify it with "but she's only 17."

I just want to talk to him : /

Holy hell, am I sad right now.
I've been fine all day, and all of yesterday. It is just right now.
He is not here, and everything reminds me of him.
He left his shoes and his towel here, he gave me his legos, there is change on my table, his jacket is on my couch, the Big White Book is on my bookshelf, Pokemon is on my TV, Layton is in my DS, Penny Arcade is on my computer. My sheets even smell like him. Hell, even I smell like him. I've been using his soap and his towel and jacket and I miss him I miss him I miss him.
I talked to him today, and we listened to the PA podcast, but I miss how he holds me and talks quietly and tells me everything is going to be okay and that I'll be just fine and how are we doing? Perfect, and Do I love you? Do you love me? Do we love each other? and can I do anything for you? can I get you anything? can I do anything to help? what do you want to do? is it okay if I go play some Magic with Tucker? Call me if you want me to come back. I'll see you later. I love you, Leah.

"He still loves you, and he didn't want to leave you."

This doesn't actually belong in the dislike blog, but I know it'd just make me sad if I put it in the other one.

Basically, the title of this post came from something Sam said to me on Wednesday night. It's basically what's been getting me through these past few days.
It's not even what she said, really. The words are nice, but how she said it. Her tone, the quality of voice.
Sounded like Erik.

I know

I know.
I've been stuck in an epically shitty situation that I am honestly unsure if I want to even be a part of.

Whoa, lack of punctuation.
Anyway. I feel like shit.

I posted to reddit, and yes, fears confirmed. Woo. Awesome.


I don't understand why he can't tell me. I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand.