"It's not fixed if you like it broken"

guhhhhhhhhhh

I dislike

being reminded of my own mortality?

I guess this is something a lot of people can relate to maybe.

I don't even know the guy, and I still want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry for several hours.

Everything is so fragile. I do not understand how people keep going despite this knowledge. Everything can break so easily.

Academic probation sort of sucks.

I guess I have a term GPA of 1.4, which is neat.

I have dug myself into a giant, stupid hole. I hate school. I hate my major. I hate classes. I hate homework. I hate tests. I hate it when boyfriends leave in the middle of the semester with no explanation. I hate social claustrophobia. I hate loneliness that leads to paranoia. I hate insomnia due to said paranoia. I hate loss of appetite. I hate crying every night, not because I don't know how to fix it, but because I don't really want to.

This is frustrating.

I put up with a lot, I think.
But that is what I do. What else is there? If you define yourself as a carpet, you can't complain if you get walked on.
I mean, if you take a job eating bees...

I digress.

I guess, it is just sometimes I want to talk and work out my problems and get advice and be better and be happy.
It just so happens that when I try to talk, everyone I talk to tells me their problems so they can fucking relate to me or whatever, but hey wait this is supposed to be about me and then all of a sudden it isn't and I am stuck helping everyone every time.

I want to be happy too.

things that make things more difficult than they should be

Weather.
Fuck this weather, man.

It is April. It is 74 degrees outside.
What the fuck.



I won't be happy until it's 90 again. I can't be. I need to feel like I'm boiling in my own skin. I need it soon.


Everything that is supposed to be is not. What the fuck's up with that?

I hate seeing my friends on facebook who are going to name brand colleges. Just saying. I mean, ASU is a good school and all, but it still doesn't help that it's in fucking Arizona. Everyone expected me to get out of this shit hole, and I couldn't. Holy hell, I couldn't. And how the hell did they? I took the same fucking classes, and did it all in three years. Apparently that's not impressive at all.
It is just frustrating. 90 percent admit rate is something I can't get over.
I wish I was at UCLA. Then if anyone asks my parents where I'm going to college, they don't have to qualify it with "but she's only 17."

I just want to talk to him : /